Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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