in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
