You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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