oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
