i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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