im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
