Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
