listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
