these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
