um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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