it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
