At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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