I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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