He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
