My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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