You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
