If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
