he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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