he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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