So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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