he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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