You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this hospital has no fireball
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
