So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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