Pappa wants mamma naked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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