Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
