does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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