I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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