the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
