Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
