Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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