And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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