Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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