My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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