The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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