Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
