yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i came on her dog
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
