I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
