turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
