So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
