yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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