it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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