we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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