I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize