When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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