You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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