i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
