He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
