my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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