It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
