So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you would pick up someone in the library
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
