Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
