Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
