I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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