dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
tell me about the eggs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
