Where is the hickey?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
