ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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