What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
