I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
