the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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