Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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