If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
