Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
