with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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