Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
