sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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