I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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