Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
