It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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