she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
