I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
