I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
