Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
