my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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