dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
