I think my fart just growled at me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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