my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
