So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
