You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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